Desper-hate

HUMAN SACRIFICES AND SHEET:

When he ordered drinks for us,
I could tell that he was hurt.

“I’m with another woman,
an other woman,
a ‘not her’ woman,
but by God, any woman will do.”

“What do you mean?”, I asked.

He looked away.

“I couldn’t get Queen out of my head;
someone else had to.
I couldn’t get Queen out of my bed;
I needed a rescue.

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Roses Die

Women who talk back when they are spoken down to are “mannerless”;
they have “bad attitudes”.
Men who don’t talk back when they are spoken down to are “morons and retards”.

She served him dutifully because she wanted to; most importantly, because she was led to. It was the Lord who led her. Now, her psychic friends say it was some karmic obligation she had to fulfill, or some shit. Whatever. She had a “very good attitude” then. “imeyatekcorawulo”, wasn’t it? 

It was a very undefined relationship, extremely confusing. Today, they’re sexting; tomorrow, they are just friends- siblings in the Lord. He never wanted to talk about what they were, His Royal Highness, The “Dawonlopoloru” of Mind Game Kingdom the third. 

It’s her 21st birthday and she asks, “if I lived in the same country as you, you would take me out and buy me a meal for my birthday, wouldn’t you?” He says “no”. She gasps. “Well, why not?” “Why would I? Yen yen yen yen yen yen yen.” She’s upset. “I would do everything I can to make this man happy, and he wouldn’t even buy me a meal on my birthday if he could. I’m not even worthy of a plate of rice.” “Aye le, aye ma le, oro aye yi, otoju sumi.” It’s a wicked world we live in.

She’s getting even more upset. She says, “it’s not about your money. I would buy myself a meal. Don’t flatter yourself. I just wanted to feel that you cared about me. Yen yen yen yen yen.”

He snaps. The egoistic, ungrateful man writes a whole fucking epistle on how rude and bad mannered she had been to him. It’s funny how bad-mannered men can’t stand bad manners. He says he is done with her, talks about reporting her to his parents. What is he? Two?

She begs. She doesn’t know what she’s worth. She says “okay, forget the meal and everything else I said because I was hurt, I’m sorry. For two years, we’ve been in this ordinary friendship [cough cough] and you want to just leave. The devil (that’s you, moron) is about to scatter all we have (’cause of your immaturity).” He doesn’t listen. She cries, attempts suicide, cries again, doesn’t eat for days, then overeats, but she heals, quickly and fiercely. They haven’t spoken since. 

Oya came in to scatter and rebuild her life. “Eepa e!” Osun came to cook and decorate. “Iyalooode!” He was stinking the whole place out. Good riddance!

Love Lives, Love Dies

Every love is a risky gamble.
A person might need you for a thing,
for something, for anything,
but it’s for a set amount of time.
They’ll be the butterfly;
you’ll be the flower.
They might bring beauty to your life;
it’s what butterflies do.

When they’re done with you,
they’ll give any excuse to leave.
They’ll be very manipulative;
they’ll turn it on you.
They’ll play with your intelligence
and blame it on you-
their desire to flap their wings,
their need to explore.

“Your petals don’t smell as nice
as they used to;
I’m leaving you.”
“Your breasts aren’t perky enough and
you are not as tight as I want, down there.”
“You have thorns and they’re poking me;
oh, if only you were a red rose!”
“You were rude to me”,
so I’m saying ‘goodbye’ now.”
“You are letting the breeze
blow you from side to side,
and I can’t deal with that.”
“If only you were a few inches longer.”

Why do you think a person who has
treated you so badly still deserves you?
You have to snap out of it!
Make new friends!
You owe it yourself to heal;
you owe it to yourself to feel-
to feel free.
You owe it to yourself to breathe-
to live.
Grieve.
Forgive.
From the imaginary relationship
that you’re still holding on to?
Leave.

Letting Go, Letting Grow

Love proves to you,
and quite painfully,
that letting go is not always
a lot easier than holding on.
The former requires all the
strength you can give;
you give everything you’ve got to let go.
You lose the things you once held dear,
you loose yourself,
and you lose your old self.
It’s like death, and death is scary,
but resurrection is beautiful.
Go through the pain
and resurrect beautifully;
it’d be a shame to die and stay dead.

Love and Pride

She always went back to plead
every time they fought,
whether or not she was in the wrong,
because she had swallowed her pride
alongside his semen a while before;
her self-esteem was wounded,
at the very core.

He didn’t want to be with her;
but he didn’t want to lose her.
Thoughts of her filled him with pleasure
when she was far away,
and with disgust each time
she came back to stay.
There’s only so much one’s pride can take;
my people often say “one day na one day”.

If Love and Pride could have sex,
she [Love] would always like to stay on top.
Pride would obviously be
more sexually active;
Love won’t be in control for long.

They fought again;
they were both in the wrong.
He waited for her return,
but she’s wasn’t going back anymore.
She had coughed out her senses;
she had rescued her drowning pride.
Now he huffs and puffs because
he wants his stray bitch back,
but “again” is a gain,
and this time, as always, it’d be whose again?

 

Image result for the devil card                                                                        Image result for the eight of cups card

How Do You Feel?

How do you feel when you look at the
body that should have been your lover?
Does it make you sad that your lover is dead,
or are you grateful that the body is
alive for you to see at least?

Come Back

My fear of losing you made me lose you.
I was so afraid that you would leave me,
so much so I didn’t realize that you were here,
and that each time I pulled you closer,
it felt like a sharp push to you.
You were not here because I asked you to,
you wanted to be here.
I couldn’t make you stay,
I couldn’t make you do anything.
The only power that I had
was the power to make you leave,
and that exactly was what you did.

Left, Right, Forward March, Backward Match

She insisted that she had to be right,
so he left.